


we move in the tree streets (i'd like it if you stayed)

by TheGirlWithTheGlasses



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: F/M, Mental Illness, Mentions of Blake and Murphy, Opening Up, Panic Attacks, Pre-Relationship, Slight Manik reference, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 14:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12191607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlWithTheGlasses/pseuds/TheGirlWithTheGlasses
Summary: Alexa likes being alone, except when she doesn't.  She doesn't do well with some things. But she does do well with being alone. Except when she doesn't. She doesn't want to trust TJ, but she does.TJ somehow understands everything perfectly.Together, they just seem to work.(or, how a 3 am talk about aliens, insomnia and truly nothing at all turned into a maybe something, as Alexa likes to say, that wasn't there before)





	we move in the tree streets (i'd like it if you stayed)

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea I've been tossing around for while now, as well as a couple I randomly made up. It reminded me of something I heard on RAW last week-Alexa said something like "they try to mess with my feelings but I don't have any", which I felt totally supported my headcanon that Alexa has some kind of mental illness. This was intended to be a short, cute little thing but it grew some kind of a character study and now it's my mini monster but I still love it. 
> 
> TW: an incident as well as a few mentions of vomiting, heavy mental illness discussion and several panic attacks

Alexa can't sleep.

It's not like this isn't a regular occurrence-it's like this at least three times a week. It sucks, but she doesn't mind, mostly.

Alexa's head is a cluttered place. Things are usually lying around everywhere, and sometimes she'll be minding her own business when a memory sneaks up on her suddenly. Other times, she might lose things for a little while, but they always come back, whether she wants them or not. She can't get rid of anything, no matter how hard she tries to, and it hurts a little or a lot, depending on what it actually involves. Her nickname for it is 'involuntary mental pack rat-ism'.

There are a lot of people who say things about Alexa. She cheats, she's good, she's bad, she's average, she's short, she's ugly, she's pretty. Alexa doesn't listen. Whatever everyone says about her might be right. After all, it's not like she knows. But in the end, she figures she's doing something right. If she wasn't, she wouldn't be champion. Being champion feels good, even if some people say she didn't earn it. So what? Maybe she didn't earn it, but she took it just the same.

There are also people backstage-people who see her, people that think they know things-that say that Alexa has something wrong with her head. That she's crazy and shouldn't be trusted. She doesn't need anyone to tell her. Alexa knows she isn't quite right sometimes. She'd be stupid if she didn't know herself.

But she isn't crazy. That is a very distinct distinction that must be made. Alexa doesn't like that word. She thinks it's demeaning. She isn't crazy. She's just a little off sometimes. Just a few little hiccups. She doesn't need help and she's sick of being asked that. She likes being by herself, not depending on anyone else. It's nice. Alexa likes quiet.

She rolls over in the minuscule hotel bed and flops down on her back. She groans. She has to compete tomorrow, she has to sleep.

Alexa finds herself thinking about what happened. She doesn't blame Nia in the least. In fact, it might actually make her like her more. Yeah. It does. It really, really does. She would have done exactly what Nia had done if the roles had been reversed, of course, she would have had a significantly harder time lifting Nia onto her shoulder, but she would have tried. Or something else. Alexa always liked the kendo sticks, and the chairs too. The tables were okay but she doesn't like all the little pieces. It bothers her.

Something starts to wiggle in her head. This is the way things always start to snowball. She starts thinking about something that happened, and it goes all the way downhill until she remembers bad things-awful things, like the fear when she got committed after that hellish year in high school, the panic attack she had after she and Blake and Murphy broke up, the time she pulled her own hair out until she cried from the pressure. She can't afford this as close as it is to her match. She closes her eyes and tries to pretend the memory of Hunter telling her she isn't good enough like she is isn't coming to the surface and making her ugly-sob.

She flips over onto her stomach, the moonbeam coming through the window hitting her shoulders just right for her to wince at the brightness a bit. Alexa continues to drown in the onslaught of feelings along with everyone backstage chanting "crazy" ringing in her ears.

That's the exact moment when her phone buzzes.

Alexa blindly paws at the table next to the bed. Tissue box, candy wrapper, travel toothpaste, Bible, gross mysterious stickiness-there. She pulls it towards her blanket ball and turns it on, successfully managing to turn down the brightness faster than normal and also drop it on her own face.

It's a text. From TJ. Because of course it is.

Alexa met TJ about four months ago. He's far too happy. He also likes her far more than what is necessary. He calls her 'Lexa' and visits her a lot, mostly after her match or something. She doesn't know when she started being friends with him, but she knows she kind of doesn't have a choice.

_you up_

Alexa rolls her eyes.

_No_

She throws herself back on the bed and finds a cool spot on the pillow she hasn't before. She sighs in relief. Things are starting to come back down.

And then the world starts to spin.

Alexa buries her face in the pillow and cries a little bit from the stimulus. When the pressure comes, it's like the world standing on her head and pushing down as hard as it can. She tries to suck in air desperately, but it's not working. Her heart is beating out of her chest and her stomach is churning.

'At least I managed to make it to the bathroom this time' is the first thing she's able to think when her brain comes back online. Alexa fervently washes out her mouth a few times, then slumps on the ground and lets the cool floor comfort her for a few seconds, breathing as deep and heavy as she can.

"Damn it," she breathes, gently pulling herself off the floor and stumbling back towards the bed. "Damn it to hell!" Alexa kicks the door shut on her way out and almost pukes again from the pain. She slumps on her bed and groans, sickly and weak once more. She of course has texts , because TJ just doesn't know when to shut up.

_youre up_

_lexa lexa lexa_

_talk to meeeeeeee_

Alexa audibly snorts. Sometimes, as she's noticed, people aren't who they really are through texts because they have time to think about what they're saying. For TJ, the case tends to be the exact opposite.

_Go to bed._

_cant_

_i tried_

_i cant sleep_

_what ru doing up_

Alexa has to think about how to answer this one for a few seconds.

Can't sleep either.

She smashes her face into the pillows. It's not exactly a lie.

_why not_

She scowls.

_Why can't you sleep?_

_im thinking_

_What are you thinking about?_

_the show_

_whats going to happen next week_

_worries_

_all that fun stuff_

_what are you thinking about_

_Who said I was thinking?_

_oh no_

_lexa_

_did it happen again_

_are you ok_

Alexa grimaces again. That's the other problem with TJ. He knows about her issues.

It's not like she told him or anything. He just kind of, well, knew. It was weird how he knew the second he met her. Alexa suspects he has experience with this sort of thing. Who or what, she doesn't know, but she does know that TJ has been highly respectful and very low-key about all of it. He never talks about it, ever, especially when they're just hanging out normally or in passing. He's been surprisingly discreet about the whole thing, and Alexa is very, very grateful for it. There's probably more to TJ than what she sees now. It's just a matter of when she can find out about it.

_Yes, I think so._

_did you have an attack or what_

_It was pretty bad._

_worse than july_

Alexa winces. She doesn't have these episodes often-maybe a few times a year, ever since she learned her limits and started using strategies she found on the internet by herself, but the thing that happened in July was-it was not good. TJ had found her face down outside an arena crying hysterically because of an incredibly painful rush of blood to her head. She didn't remember much about it, only a cool hand being placed on her forehead and then waking up in her locker room (perk of being champ) wrapped in TJ's jacket.

She never told anyone, but she totally kept it.

_No._

_It could have been so much worse._

_good_

_youre sure youre okay_

Alexa holds her breath.

_No._

_yeah_

_i get you_

_dont worry about it_

_I'm just worried about tomorrow._

_same_

_ill be honest with you i lied too_

_im actually thinking about aliens_

She laughs openly, ending up coughing a few times at the end

_X-Files?_

_only if ur my scully_

_What are you really thinking about?_

_what u dont believe me_

_Nobody can think about ET and stuff for three and a half hours._

_fine_

_the world_

_the universe_

_life_

_That's some real deep stuff from someone who used to wear a red and blue demon suit from Party City on national TV_

_wait i wasnt done_

_and it wasnt national until the last eight months_

_the world_

_the universe_

_life_

_...and you_  
  
Her cheeks instantly grow hot. She's happy about that. A pleasant little flare of nerves shoots into the pit of her stomach. She doesn't usually let herself feel much, but this feeling is-good. He thinks about me, she thinks to herself. He thinks about me.  
She isn't worrying about getting hurt again or anything or thinking about everything that happened near the end of her and Blake and Murphy-she feels like a teenager with a little crush and it doesn't scare her.

_I'm thinking about you too._

_dude_

_this is the most romcom thing ive ever done_

_Same._

_but for the record i feel special_

_thanks_

Alexa smiles to herself. She stifles a yawn.

_Gonna fall asleep soon._

_Thanks for calming me down._

_it was nothing_

_if u ever need to discuss life's mysteries im totally here for it_

_Do you ever feel alone?_

_Like, lonely._

_Sometimes I look up at the stars and I remember how alone I really am-just one speck in the whole universe._

_I think it's kind of existential in a way._

_But I feel really alone._

Alexa crashes before she can read the response he sends, but the rush of incredible comfort it brings her when she does is burning hot and scary and comes with its fair share of vertigo and God, it's the most wonderful thing Alexa has felt in her life.

_im not lonely_

_im here with u_

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you like this couple as much as I do because I have more!


End file.
